(校稿任务) 第九十九篇 What to Say When Things Are Going Badly
本帖最后由 小编D 于 2013-1-24 16:40 编辑
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本文翻译：perfect_0211
What to Say When Things Are Going Badly
当事情变得糟糕时你怎么办
One simple question can get the conversation back on track
一个简单的问题让我们回到正题
Has this ever happened to you? You’re talking to a client, or perhaps your boss, and you realize the conversation has gotten off on absolutely the wrong foot. You may have learned new and unexpected information from the other person that renders everything you’ve said irrelevant. You may have walked in with an assumption that was just not true. Or you find you’re not connecting, and tension and anger start to creep into the exchange. It really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that a potentially productive business conversation has become awkward and stilted—or even worse, superheated and combative.
你有过类似的经历吗？你正和你的客户交谈，也许是你的老板，你意识到你们的谈话方向完全不对、南辕北辙。你也许从其他人那里了解到一些新的出人意料的信息，即你说的每一件事都和他不相干。你也许会假设那不是真的。或者你发现你被孤立了，紧张和愤怒的情绪交替着蔓上你的心头。
What do you do next? You have three options:
下一步你怎么办？你有三个选择：
This question is the Saint Bernard rescue dog that brings a warming barrel of brandy into the conversational arctic. People are forgiving. They want things to go well, and this question disarms them and eases the way to a new beginning.
这个问题犹如圣伯纳德救援犬带着一桶温热的白兰地到了冰冷的北极。人都是宽容的，都希望事情发展顺利，而这个问题让他们放下防备、使得事情更容易重新开始。
This question is only one of many that Jerry Panas and I have included in our new book, Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others (Wiley, 2012) . We explore dozens of questions that light fires under people, that challenge assumptions, help to see problems in productive new ways, and can inspire people to bare their souls (which, of course, strengthens the bonds in the relationship) . And we wrap up the book with a list of additional questions, which brings the total to 337 power questions to help people succeed at work and in life.
这个问题只是Jerry Panas和我在我们的新书中提出的很多问题中的一个，很有力量的一个问题：建立联系，赢得新业务，影响他人（Wiley, 2012）。我们探讨了很多问题，惹毛了很多人，那些挑战性的假设，帮助人们用有效的方法看清问题，可以激励人们暴露他们的本性（那些当然也能增进他们之间的关系）。我们在书中提了一系列的问题，一共337个问题帮助人们在工作和生活中成功。
But back to “starting over.” My coauthor, Panas, recalls the time he walked into the office of a wealthy benefactor named Allan to ask for a million-dollar donation to his alma mater’s college of engineering. Though he knew better, Panas failed to gain rapport and explore Allan’s true interests before jumping in with the big request. When he was severely rebuked for his presumption, Panas realized he had made a serious error and dug himself into a deep hole. He got up and excused himself, left the room, and 10 seconds later knocked on the door and asked the power question, “Do you mind if we start over?”
回到重新开始，我的合著者Panas，他回忆起当年他走进富有的慈善家Allan的办公室，向他征求一个1亿的捐助，来帮助他完成他母校的工学院。尽管他对Allan了解很多，还没来得及表达他的诉求进入他的正题，Panas没能获得Allan的认同和支持，也没有探求到Allan的真正意图。当他因他的放肆被严厉指责，Panas意识到他犯了一个严重的错误，而且给自己挖了一个很大的坑。他振作起来且原谅了自己，离开房间，10秒钟之后他敲响了门，问了一个有力的问题：介意我们重新开始交谈吗？
Allan smiled and invited Panas to sit down. Start over they did, and after approaching the revived conversation the right way, Panas discovered that Allan was interested in making a major gift—but to the university’s theater program, not its engineering program!
Allan笑了笑邀请Panas坐下，他们重新开始了，正确的达到双方的预期目的后，Panas发现Allan对于做大额捐赠项目很有兴趣-但是只是针对大学戏院的项目，而不是大学工程项目。
Try it yourself. The next time a conversation gets off on the wrong foot or veers off track, reset with that powerful question. The following pointers may also be of help.
尽自己的努力来尝试。下次谈话方向不对或者周旋没有结果，用一个有力的问题重新开始吧。下面的几个提示或许对你有帮助。
If you’re in the wrong, apologize. Take responsibility for the conversation’s derailment. You might say something like, “I’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, and I’m really sorry. Do you mind if I begin again? I haven’t done this justice.” Or, “The reason I’d like to start over is that I put my foot in my mouth. Can I give it a second try?”
如果你错了，道歉。对谈话偏离话题道歉，你或许可以说：“我错了，对不起，介意我们重新开始吗？我从没有这么正式过。”或者“我想重新开始的原因是，因为我说错了，介意再来一次吗？”
If you’re not in the wrong, and the conversation has simply strayed into unproductive territory, ask in a way that doesn’t place blame. Try asking, “Can we step back from this? What should we be talking about?”
如果不是因为你的问题，即你没有错，但是交谈进入了没有效率的阶段，那尝试用不带责备的语气，试着问：“我们退回谈话开始前好吗？谈些什么好呢？”
Actually, even if the other party made the initial faux pas, it’s still OK to say you’re sorry the conversation went awry. You’re not taking blame; you’re just acknowledging regret that things took a bad turn and that the other person is upset.
实际上，即使是其他人的错，你来承担谈话不顺畅的责任，说对不起也是好的，你没有责备，你只是对事情没有按预料的发展标识遗憾，即便其他人很生气。
Either way, smile. It goes a long way toward smoothing any ruffled feathers. More than words alone, a genuine smile that reaches the eyes can evoke a powerful visceral response. It shows that your intentions are pure, and when people realize that, the vast majority are willing to give you another chance.
无论如何，微笑。要抚平起皱的羽毛通常是很花时间的。不用说话，一个真诚的微笑以及眼神的交流便会产生一种强大的本能响应。它表明你的意图是纯粹的,人们会意识到，绝大多数愿意给你一次机会。
When you start over, really start over. You don’t have to actually leave the room and come back in; but draw a sharp dividing line between the bad conversation and the new one. A good way to reset is to ask the other person a question and draw them back into the conversation as an active participant. It could be something as simple as: “Can I ask—how have you been thinking about this?” or “Let’s step back for a second—can you share your view of the situation?”
当你重新开始，真正重新开始。你不需要离开房间再进来，只是需要画一条明显的分界线在老的谈话和新是谈话中间。一个很好的重新开始的方法是，问另一个人一个问题并把他们拽回谈话来做积极的参与者。它可以是简单如：“我能问问-你曾想过这个问题吗？”或者：“让我们退回再想想-你能分享下你对这个情况的看法吗？”
Of course, starting over isn’t just for the workplace. It can work just as well to defuse a budding argument with your spouse or any family member or friend.
当然，重新开始不仅仅是指工作地点。它也可以是平息和你的配偶或任何家庭成员或朋友的刚开始的争论。
It’s a bold, gutsy move to restart a conversation from scratch. Yes, it feels awkward. Most of us are not accustomed to swallowing our pride, admitting in real time that we screwed up, and asking if we can make it right. But the next time a conversation goes wrong, try it. Not only will it salvage the moment, it will pave the way for a more authentic and productive relationship in the future.
重新开始一段已被搞砸的对话是一个大胆、勇敢的举动。是的，这感觉很尴尬。我们大多数人都不习惯收起我们的骄傲,承认我们搞砸了的现实，并扪心自问我们是否能做好。但下次谈话再出差错,试试看。这不仅会挽救这一重要时刻,而且它将会为一个将来更真实的和富有成效的关系做铺垫。
来自http://www.qualitydigest.com
请对以下文章有翻译兴趣的组员留下你的预计完成时间和邮箱地址，以便小编登记翻译者信息以及文章最终完成时间
本文翻译：perfect_0211
What to Say When Things Are Going Badly
当事情变得糟糕时你怎么办
One simple question can get the conversation back on track
一个简单的问题让我们回到正题
Has this ever happened to you? You’re talking to a client, or perhaps your boss, and you realize the conversation has gotten off on absolutely the wrong foot. You may have learned new and unexpected information from the other person that renders everything you’ve said irrelevant. You may have walked in with an assumption that was just not true. Or you find you’re not connecting, and tension and anger start to creep into the exchange. It really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that a potentially productive business conversation has become awkward and stilted—or even worse, superheated and combative.
你有过类似的经历吗？你正和你的客户交谈，也许是你的老板，你意识到你们的谈话方向完全不对、南辕北辙。你也许从其他人那里了解到一些新的出人意料的信息，即你说的每一件事都和他不相干。你也许会假设那不是真的。或者你发现你被孤立了，紧张和愤怒的情绪交替着蔓上你的心头。
What do you do next? You have three options:
下一步你怎么办？你有三个选择：
- Continue trying to make your point. The tension and awkwardness will likely escalate, and you’ll find that you and the other person grow farther and farther apart.
- Bring the conversation to an abrupt end and exit stage left. Both of you will be left with a bad taste in your mouth.
- Salvage the situation with the judicious use of seven magic words: Do you mind if we start over
This question is the Saint Bernard rescue dog that brings a warming barrel of brandy into the conversational arctic. People are forgiving. They want things to go well, and this question disarms them and eases the way to a new beginning.
这个问题犹如圣伯纳德救援犬带着一桶温热的白兰地到了冰冷的北极。人都是宽容的，都希望事情发展顺利，而这个问题让他们放下防备、使得事情更容易重新开始。
This question is only one of many that Jerry Panas and I have included in our new book, Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others (Wiley, 2012) . We explore dozens of questions that light fires under people, that challenge assumptions, help to see problems in productive new ways, and can inspire people to bare their souls (which, of course, strengthens the bonds in the relationship) . And we wrap up the book with a list of additional questions, which brings the total to 337 power questions to help people succeed at work and in life.
这个问题只是Jerry Panas和我在我们的新书中提出的很多问题中的一个，很有力量的一个问题：建立联系，赢得新业务，影响他人（Wiley, 2012）。我们探讨了很多问题，惹毛了很多人，那些挑战性的假设，帮助人们用有效的方法看清问题，可以激励人们暴露他们的本性（那些当然也能增进他们之间的关系）。我们在书中提了一系列的问题，一共337个问题帮助人们在工作和生活中成功。
But back to “starting over.” My coauthor, Panas, recalls the time he walked into the office of a wealthy benefactor named Allan to ask for a million-dollar donation to his alma mater’s college of engineering. Though he knew better, Panas failed to gain rapport and explore Allan’s true interests before jumping in with the big request. When he was severely rebuked for his presumption, Panas realized he had made a serious error and dug himself into a deep hole. He got up and excused himself, left the room, and 10 seconds later knocked on the door and asked the power question, “Do you mind if we start over?”
回到重新开始，我的合著者Panas，他回忆起当年他走进富有的慈善家Allan的办公室，向他征求一个1亿的捐助，来帮助他完成他母校的工学院。尽管他对Allan了解很多，还没来得及表达他的诉求进入他的正题，Panas没能获得Allan的认同和支持，也没有探求到Allan的真正意图。当他因他的放肆被严厉指责，Panas意识到他犯了一个严重的错误，而且给自己挖了一个很大的坑。他振作起来且原谅了自己，离开房间，10秒钟之后他敲响了门，问了一个有力的问题：介意我们重新开始交谈吗？
Allan smiled and invited Panas to sit down. Start over they did, and after approaching the revived conversation the right way, Panas discovered that Allan was interested in making a major gift—but to the university’s theater program, not its engineering program!
Allan笑了笑邀请Panas坐下，他们重新开始了，正确的达到双方的预期目的后，Panas发现Allan对于做大额捐赠项目很有兴趣-但是只是针对大学戏院的项目，而不是大学工程项目。
Try it yourself. The next time a conversation gets off on the wrong foot or veers off track, reset with that powerful question. The following pointers may also be of help.
尽自己的努力来尝试。下次谈话方向不对或者周旋没有结果，用一个有力的问题重新开始吧。下面的几个提示或许对你有帮助。
If you’re in the wrong, apologize. Take responsibility for the conversation’s derailment. You might say something like, “I’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, and I’m really sorry. Do you mind if I begin again? I haven’t done this justice.” Or, “The reason I’d like to start over is that I put my foot in my mouth. Can I give it a second try?”
如果你错了，道歉。对谈话偏离话题道歉，你或许可以说：“我错了，对不起，介意我们重新开始吗？我从没有这么正式过。”或者“我想重新开始的原因是，因为我说错了，介意再来一次吗？”
If you’re not in the wrong, and the conversation has simply strayed into unproductive territory, ask in a way that doesn’t place blame. Try asking, “Can we step back from this? What should we be talking about?”
如果不是因为你的问题，即你没有错，但是交谈进入了没有效率的阶段，那尝试用不带责备的语气，试着问：“我们退回谈话开始前好吗？谈些什么好呢？”
Actually, even if the other party made the initial faux pas, it’s still OK to say you’re sorry the conversation went awry. You’re not taking blame; you’re just acknowledging regret that things took a bad turn and that the other person is upset.
实际上，即使是其他人的错，你来承担谈话不顺畅的责任，说对不起也是好的，你没有责备，你只是对事情没有按预料的发展标识遗憾，即便其他人很生气。
Either way, smile. It goes a long way toward smoothing any ruffled feathers. More than words alone, a genuine smile that reaches the eyes can evoke a powerful visceral response. It shows that your intentions are pure, and when people realize that, the vast majority are willing to give you another chance.
无论如何，微笑。要抚平起皱的羽毛通常是很花时间的。不用说话，一个真诚的微笑以及眼神的交流便会产生一种强大的本能响应。它表明你的意图是纯粹的,人们会意识到，绝大多数愿意给你一次机会。
When you start over, really start over. You don’t have to actually leave the room and come back in; but draw a sharp dividing line between the bad conversation and the new one. A good way to reset is to ask the other person a question and draw them back into the conversation as an active participant. It could be something as simple as: “Can I ask—how have you been thinking about this?” or “Let’s step back for a second—can you share your view of the situation?”
当你重新开始，真正重新开始。你不需要离开房间再进来，只是需要画一条明显的分界线在老的谈话和新是谈话中间。一个很好的重新开始的方法是，问另一个人一个问题并把他们拽回谈话来做积极的参与者。它可以是简单如：“我能问问-你曾想过这个问题吗？”或者：“让我们退回再想想-你能分享下你对这个情况的看法吗？”
Of course, starting over isn’t just for the workplace. It can work just as well to defuse a budding argument with your spouse or any family member or friend.
当然，重新开始不仅仅是指工作地点。它也可以是平息和你的配偶或任何家庭成员或朋友的刚开始的争论。
It’s a bold, gutsy move to restart a conversation from scratch. Yes, it feels awkward. Most of us are not accustomed to swallowing our pride, admitting in real time that we screwed up, and asking if we can make it right. But the next time a conversation goes wrong, try it. Not only will it salvage the moment, it will pave the way for a more authentic and productive relationship in the future.
重新开始一段已被搞砸的对话是一个大胆、勇敢的举动。是的，这感觉很尴尬。我们大多数人都不习惯收起我们的骄傲,承认我们搞砸了的现实，并扪心自问我们是否能做好。但下次谈话再出差错,试试看。这不仅会挽救这一重要时刻,而且它将会为一个将来更真实的和富有成效的关系做铺垫。
来自http://www.qualitydigest.com
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